Dear Reader, I, me, Tamara of this same Shades of Green, admit it. I am not a gardener. I do not have green thumbs. I confess it! I do not enjoy pottering or growing or nurturing.
I enjoy reclining in the sunlounger like a middle-class Victorian lady, wrapped in a blanket, reading my book and taking selfies.
This time spent in the garden and not gardening is occasionally broken up by doing photoshoots of my hateful, beloved cat.
and so on. I am sooooo tempted to do another reel of cat photos. Keep reading and I may put some bonus photos at the end! Hah, I know how to keep ’em keen!
Given my leisurely garden pastimes, what was I thinking by attempting some actual growing of some actual plants? Perhaps it was jealous-inspo of my Bristol friend who has made a pond in her garden from scratch.
Or perhaps the blame can be placed squarely on the shoulders of my delightful and more local-than-Bristol-aka-Pompey friend and fellow Green Partier, Tracey.
Tracey, henceforth and hereby declared She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named, had the absolute gall to drop by some seedlings because she had too many. This intrusion into my peaceful domicile included rocket, lettuce and honeywort.
For context – this is the current status of the siblings of my seedlings, belonging to She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named’s
I started off with the optimism of one who has forgotten their past failures. Planting something – it was even one of Emma and my tips on How to Cope with the Covid-19 Lockdown in Green-ish Style. What sweet, naive fools we were.
I diligently watered them. Even added homemade cloches, on the advice of She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named.
Then this happened.
An entire pot of lettuce seedlings disappeared overnight. What happened? Were they eaten? Went to visit their aunt? Did I overwater them? I don’t know. It is forever a mystery. But it’s okay. I still have more lettuce and rocket.
Until I didn’t.
My last batch of lettuce also disappeared into the night. No worries! I still have my rocket. I even planted them out in fresh compost. There is hope.
Dear Reader, I present to you – my pièce de résistance
Wait for it…..
I present to you white spider-web like mould.
Ewww and Shudder.
I wailed in disgust. How is this possible that even under the safe confines of cloches, the rocket rotted away? I bemoaned my failure for a full week straight.
Weirdly, the wildflowers are growing. But as they reside in the mouldy graveyard and I am still grossed out by that, I can take no joy in their shadowy existence.
So now, I have one man standing. My honeywort. My precious. Living in the relative safety of my window-sill, I check it twice a day, water it with filtered water and tenderly stroke it’s wonky baby leaves.
I await its imminent demise.
Congratulations! You have reached the end of this epic, cautionary tale, and so you shall be rewarded with a collage of photos of a cat you do not know.
You are welcome.